What your massage therapist might say to you and what they REALLY mean

Massages are wonderful experiences we often seek when we are stressed out at work, a birthday treat or just fancy some extra TLC. While therapists are easy going and aren’t shy when it comes to working with our bodies, some people choose to ignore the standard massage etiquette. However, they’re professionals and won’t always tell you if you’ve pissed them off. So here are some of the things you therapist might say to you and what they REALLY mean.

What they say: So you’re fifteen minutes because the traffic is bad? Not to worry!

What they really think: Damn, this has completely ruined my schedule. How am I going to fit in Shelley, Kirsty and Peter in before lunch? AND have time to give my hands a break?

What they say: Let it all hang out, it’s nothing we’ve not seen before!

What they really think: Oh my, is his dick out? This is too much for a Wednesday morning.

What they say: Don’t apologise for not shaving your legs!

What they really think: Well, you could have made a bit of an effort. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to touch your hairy legs then neither do I!

What they say: And you’ve not showered either, don’t worry we all have those days!

What they really think: Well, this just gets worse…

What they say: Don’t apologise for not speaking, just lie there and relax while I soothe your body and mind!

What they really think: Am I hurting them? Are they even enjoying it? Shall I stop? Come on, give me something to play with!

What they say: Nice perfume/aftershave! What is it?

What they really think: God that’s strong! Are they trying to kill me by scent? Now I’ve got a headache…

What they say: Erections are completely normal! Just let me grab that towel to cover it…

What they really think: Have I made him hard? Ok this is awkward. Where do I put my damn eyes?

What they say: Ah a fart! Don’t worry, we’re all human.

What they really think: YUK!

What they say: Hope you’ve had a lovely massage, can’t wait for you to come again.

What they really think: Well after all I’ve had to put up with an NO tip? Never again please.

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